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You wake up in the middle of the night. There's a pulsing green light coming from underneath your bathroom door.
What do you do?
<<linkreplace "Go into the kitchen and make yourself a snack" t8n>> Good call. This is not the sort of situation you want to handle on an empty stomach. You eat an entire jar of peanut butter and return to your room, ready to make a decision.
<</linkreplace>>
[[Go back to sleep]]
[[Go see what's up with your bathroom|Bathroom]]
<<set $plunger = 0>>Whatever is going on in your bathroom, it's probably fine.
Right?
You roll over and close your eyes. Thankfully, after a few minutes the pulsing green light disappears.
Less thankfully, it's replaced by the sound of 10,000 tiny jackhammers.
What do you do?
[[Go back to sleep, but more forcefully this time|A second attempt at sleep]]
[[Go see what's up with the jackhammers]]There's a pulsing green light that is coming from the inside of your toilet. It's too bright to get a good look at what's causing it. What do you do?
<img src="http://weedcontrollubbock.info/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/green-toilet-a-glowing-guide-to-the-loo-at-night-the-toilet-light-senses-motion-lighting-up-your-loo-in-vibrant-colour-read-more.jpg" style="float: right;">
<<linkreplace "Pinch yourself to see if you're dreaming." t8n>>Ouch! <<linkreplace "Pinch yourself again, just to be sure" t8n>> OUCH! <<linkreplace "Pinch yourself again, just to be EXTRA sure" t8n>>DOUBLE OUCH! <<linkreplace "Pinch yourself again, just to be EXTRA EXTRA sure" t8n>> Okay! Okay! You're dreaming! Just stop pinching please!<<linkreplace "...One more pinch for good luck?" t8n>> ALL THIS PINCHING FEELS REALLY UNLUCKY TO ME!<</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>
<<linkreplace "Take a crap" t8n>>Wait, really? You're going to expose your naked rear end to ...whatever it is that's possessing your toilet?
And then crap on it?
<<linkreplace "Sure, why not?" t8n>> Well FORTUNATELY for ALL OF US you'r really constipated and you can't. So there.
<<linkreplace "Okay, guess I'll eat some fiber bars and wait." t8n>> Look, I'm warning you, this is not a great idea.
[[Don't care, gotta crap|Crap]]<</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>
[[Try plunging your toilet|Plunging the light]]
[[Get a plunger|Plunger Storage]]Double-click this passage to edit it.<<if $plunger < 1>>
You approach the pulsing green light, but realize you don't have a plunger equipped. What do you do?
<<linkreplace "Take a really deep breath, stick my head in the toilet, and plunge it by blowing really hard." t8n>> You want to stick..your head.
Into your toilet.
<<linkreplace "Yes, that's right" t8n>>Your head. Where your brain lives.
Into your toilet.
<<linkreplace "Exactly :)" t8n>>And not just like, your toilet during a regular moment, but your toilet when it's glowing with some crazy light that is probably evil magic or radioactive or something
<<linkreplace "Seems reasonable to me" t8n>>You know what, here. Have a plunger. Have two plungers! I AM GIVING YOU PLUNGERS SO THAT YOU DON'T STICK YOUR HEAD INTO THE TOILET.
<<linkreplace "...." t8n>>
<<linkreplace "...." t8n>>
<<linkreplace "...." t8n>>
<<linkreplace "....Imma stick my head in the toilet though" t8n>>Are there any other games hiring narrators? Please?
<<linkreplace "Just tell me what happens" t8n>>Okay. Fine. You drown. Or you get bitten by a radioactive toilet and become Toilet Man. Or something. In any case, it's [[Game Over]]<</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</if>>
<<if $plunger > 1>>
You hold your $plunger plungers aloft and cry out "Beware, green light! For while I have the strength of but one man, I have the plungers of $plunger men! You shall not defeat me! From hell's heart I stab at thee!"
Letting out a undulating yawp, you bring your $plunger plungers down into the toilet and begin to vigorously plunge the green light.
After a moment, you hear a faint voice coming from inside the toilet, saying "Please stop plunging me!" You withdraw your $plunger plungers, and after a moment a strange creature, glowing faintly of green light, climbs out of the toilet.
[[What's up with the creature?|Creature]]
<<else>>
You hold your plunger aloft and cry out "Beware, green light! When you were partying, I studied the plunger. When you were having premarital sex, I mastered the plunger. While you wasted your days at the gym in pursuit of vanity, I cultivated plunger strength. And now you have the audacity to challenge me?
After a moment, you hear a faint voice coming from inside the toilet, saying "Please stop plunging me!" You withdraw your plunger, and after a moment a strange creature, glowing faintly of green light, climbs out of the toilet.
<</if>>
[[Back to the adventure!|Bathroom]]<img src="http://redlandplumbing.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Plungers-sink-toilet.jpg" style="float: right;">
<<if $plunger > 0>>
<<set $plunger = $plunger+1>>
Uh... okay, you take another plunger. You now have $plunger plungers
<<else>>
<<set $plunger = 1>>When you purchased a lifetime supply of plungers from Costco, it seemed like a good idea at the time. The price per plunger was so cheap!
After you had to add an entire walk-in closet just for storing your plungers and you had to sell a kidney on Craigslist just to pay for the plungers, it didn't seem like quite as good of an idea. But at least you don't have any shortage of plungers. You take one.
<</if>>
[[MORE PLUNGERS!|Plunger Storage]]
[[Back to the adventure!|Bathroom]]
<<linkreplace "...One more pinch for good luck?" t8n>> ALL THIS PINCHING FEELS REALLY UNLUCKY TO ME!<</linkreplace>Okay.
Fine.
You chose this.
I guess I have to narrate it.
You can still change your mind.
<<linkreplace "Yes, on second thought let's go back." t8n>>[[Oh, thank goodness|Bathroom]]<</linkreplace>>
<<linkreplace "No! My word is my bond, and I said I was going to crap on the green light!" t8n>>
<img src="https://as1.ftcdn.net/jpg/01/17/46/38/500_F_117463806_D9XpRnlveI2LKYTgSDAhOZ7bfQZLQ8gT.jpg" style="float: right;">
Well, enjoy, I guess.
Your turgid buttocks wobble as they slowly descend to their porcelain destination, and you groan as you anticipate the sweet relief of defecation.
The eerie green light illuminates your anus as it puckers tightly in preparation for your poop's final voyage into the waters below. A whistling fart sprays into the toilet bowl, as if to announce "Make way for the king!"
Then finally, the turd erupts from your butt hole. You cry out in exhultation as you feel your whole body straining to thrust the poop as far from you as possible. The sheer power that you feel as the poop richoets into the toilet bowl is...almost orgasmic. Money, power, love, fame. None of these pleasures compare to what you are experiencing in this moment, your sweat-slick butt cheeks pressed tight against the toilet rim and your face curled in a richtus of absolute euphoria.
The green light, meanwhile, flickers, dims, and fades away forever. The green light arrived to take you on an adventure. But it's clear that the greatest adventure of all is right inside your own butt.
Game over.
Play again?
<</linkreplace>>
Hail, brave adventurer! By what name be you called?
<<textbox "$Name" "Donald Trump">>
And what type of hero be you?
<<textbox "$Class" "Wizard">>
Well met, $Name the #Class.
Now, on to adventure!The game has ended. But you can always play again - just hit restart!Double-click this passage to edit it.